Challenging the Socialization of the Word “Cancer” and Making Decisions Based on My Intuitive Consciousness
Cancer defined as cells that divide too rapidly didn’t tell me anything about my medical diagnosis of breast cancer. A very close friend suggested that I think of my diagnosis as having cancering cells in an area of my body, instead of my breast being a cancer. I could work with a verb, an action attached to cancer instead of a noun, which defined cancer as something diagnosed by someone who is an expert on something. I thought to myself that any given action is unique to the individual and that person’s motivations perform the action. I wanted to make good decisions based on intuitive guidance from my inner world, tapping into a world where good messages were previously unconscious to me. Why was I blocking messages that were needed to maintain my health? I want to express that consulting my inner world could not have happened without the support of my family and the community that I have fostered and built for many years. The Esprit collective was instrumental in their support; it was the kind of support that enabled me to continue working. Without a loving surround, I imagine that fear in isolation would have prevented me from having the focus that I needed to find my way into my inner world. I began to see my recovery process as a transformative journey and this journey, for me, could not have happened without intimate interconnections with others.
As I was making these decisions, I continued to work. My demeanour was positive and I felt and carried an air of hope. I remember a particular day when Jo-Anne Corbeil and I were conducting Espritedu interviews; I felt alive and really enjoyed the experience. I was looking forward to driving home in my little car and listening to my favourite music station. The next day Jo-Anne expressed her experience of me by saying, “What is cancer anyway?” I enjoyed the brilliance of this statement. I interpreted this to mean that whatever notions she had about cancer were open and that each person’s journey is a unique process where the outcome cannot be determined by the word “cancer” being interpreted as a definitive disease.
I worked with a principle called the power of now to gain access to my intuition for new knowledge. This knowledge would expand my consciousness by discovering what was blocking these good messages and determining how I could work with them. Over time, I was guided to three major decisions in support of my healing journey: the first was to use power of now techniques constantly to access my inner world; the second was to pursue naturopathic treatment; and the third was to be an active participant in conventional medicine.
I based my approach to the power of now on the intent to be in the present moment to help unblock significant information and to make decisions. I used the following techniques to be guided to the present moment with the hope of receiving messages for healing: meditative purposeful and non-purposeful focus, interpreting my dreams, listening to music and breathing exercises. I was not disappointed in my efforts.
Although I received many small messages for daily guidance from the power of now, there was an overall message in each of the above techniques that were lynchpins in the rotation of my transformative wheels. In a purposeful meditation, I asked if there was anything that I needed to process in my emotional life. I was guided to an example of collecting negative thoughts; this led me to contemplate the profound impact of my thoughts, both positive and negative. In a free-floating meditation, I received the knowledge that cancering had to do with energy blockages in the spaces within and between cells. I meditated on a dream that entailed going into a house and opening the door of a room where water gushed out. At first I thought that I was going to be overwhelmed by the water, but the level balanced equally in both rooms. I interpreted this to mean that although I was in a period of great creativity, I was overwhelmed and I needed greater balance. While listening to live piano music, my mind floated to a manifestation of Christ where I fell into his arms trustingly while asking for forgiveness. In summarizing these three messages, I found that I needed daily quiet time to meditate on my thoughts, especially my negative thoughts, to achieve greater balance in my outward life and to allow the movement of energy blockages through the free spaces in my body.
As soon as I received my diagnosis, I knew that I was going to seek naturopathic treatment. I paraphrase Hippocrates (300 BC), who said that nature is a great healer that finds pathways to healing by elusive means, not as a consequence of deliberation. In a meditation I received the message that there was a disruption in my nature caused by energy blockages that prevented the necessary resonances in my cells for the transfer of corrective messages from my DNA. I needed to find a knowledgeable midwife of natural healing. On the recommendation of a friend, I found a naturopathic healer that I resonated with, in the sense that I knew that she could assist me in my journey to make fundamental lifestyle changes to my diet and other habits. It was very important that she supported and understood my choice to choose conventional medicine and the power of now techniques for significant healing messages. Following the naturopathic regime required an enormous amount of daily consciousness surrounding the routines required to heal my body. I found a gifted whisperer in that she easily assisted me by being in tune with my inner nature. Our labour at hand is a working dance.
Before my medical diagnosis of breast cancer, I was the kind of person who said, “If I had cancer, I would never pursue chemotherapy and radiation.” Because my cancering cells were clustery and microscopic in nature, I had to confront this arrogance. After a lot of discussion with a friend and deep meditation, I felt good about choosing conventional medicine as an additional way to take action.
After my diagnosis I had to confront my socialization around the word “cancer”. I realized that I didn’t know anything about these overactive cells until I found out what my unique situation was. Because I was able to receive loving support from family and community, I was able to channel my fear and claim these cancering cells as mine and begin to make the decisions that I felt were right for me. I choose to use the power of now, naturopathic healing and conventional medicine. At the present time, I am able to say that I am free of cancering cells and have acquired a deep respect for the process of healing that was and continues to be necessary for me.